Do you like misery? Do you like heartache? Do you like the feeling of getting your hopes up only for that hope to be shattered instantly year after year? Then come join me and millions of other depressed fans of THE GODDAMN JETS.
For those of you who don't know anything about football, I'll make this article as simple as possible. Being a New York Jets fan sucks. Despite being in the largest media market in the United States and having a really rich owner (Woody and Chris Johnson, the heirs of the Johnson & Johnson company) we are absolutely horrendous year in and year out. It's not due to a lack of trying by the owners. They spend a ton of money, nearly $200 million this past offseason. It's not that we haven't had good players in the past or currently. No, it's because Joe Namath sold his soul to the devil on January 12, 1969.
On that faithful day, January 12, 1969, the New York Jets won Super Bowl III against the mighty Baltimore Colts. The only Super Bowl the Jets have ever won. Since then, nothing but misery has followed this God forsaken team.
What made that victory so memorable was that a few days prior to the game, Joe Namath who was the flamboyant, swagged out quarterback for the New York Jets, guaranteed a victory. The Jets were a huge underdog coming into the game. But Namath and the team held the Colts in check and defeated them to one of the biggest upsets not just in football history but in all of sports. It's like if you asked Beyonce to prom and she said yes.
Fast forward 50 years and the Jets have done nothing. Instead, we have watched the crosstown rival New York Giants win 4 Super Bowls including 2 in recent memory, 2008 and 2012. We have had countless coaches come in and fail. Quarterbacks who we thought would save the franchise but were no better than microwavable frozen chicken nuggets. They're disgusting and if you're eating those things, stop, you're going to die.
The best way to describe being a Jets fan can best be summed up with what happened on Thanksgiving night, November 22, 2012. In front of a primetime national audience of 20 million people, Jets quarterback, Mark Sanchez, ran into the ass of one of his offensive linemen, Brandon Moore. The play became known as the butt fumble. It was perfect.
He. Fell. Right. Into. His. Ass. I'll let the gif below do all the talking.
If that wasn't bad enough, the last 20 years has been dominated by our biggest rival, the New England Patriots, who have been led by pretty boy and UGGS spokesman, Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr. Nothing strikes fear into my soul more than this guy. It's like you have a crush on a different girl every year for the last 20 years and Tom steals her every time and there's nothing you can do about it. Tom is 42 years old AND STILL PLAYING QUARTERBACK AT A HIGH LEVEL. To put that in perspective, that's the equivalent of your pet pug running a marathon every year and not dying the first time. It's impossible and yet here we are in 2019, with him still playing at a high level.
What makes the Tom Brady story even more catastrophic for Jets fans is that WE ARE THE REASON HE ACTUALLY GOT TO PLAY AND START THIS DAMN PATRIOTS DYNASTY. On September 23, 2001, Jets linebacker, Mo Lewis, absolutely destroyed the Patriots star quarterback, Drew Bledsoe who was injured and couldn't continue to play. In comes this no name, sixth round pick (Pick 199) out of Michigan, Tom Brady. He just goes on to win the Superbowl that year and five more super bowls after that. He got a chance to play because of us.....
It's been 50 years since the guarantee by Joe Namath and we haven't won a Super Bowl since. He probably made a deal with the devil to guarantee that upset and us Jets fans are paying for it to this day. Don't get me started how the one hope we do have now, quarterback Sam Darnold, contracted mono.
Indeed, being a fan of this team does suck at times but if you're dating one or know one, do know you will never find someone as loyal as that person. Despite the heartache, we will always love our Jets. Next time you see one of us, take a second and give us a hug, just like Tom is hugging that baby goat, we could use one.