• Chow

Goodbye Sweet Prince

The Jets won yesterday and the agony, the pain, the suffering, the torture, the torment, the trauma, the misery, the distress, the grief and the heartbreak of being a Jets fan continued.

You might be asking yourself, the Jets won, so why are you so devastated? Let me explain my friends, let me explain.


Brief breakdown of the two teams


The Jets had 0 wins and 13 losses heading into their game against one of the NFL's best teams, the Los Angeles Rams. In fact, the LA Rams have the BEST DEFENSE in the league, while the Jets have the WORST OFFENSE in the league. Not only is the Jets offense the worst in the league, it's one of the worst offenses in the history of the modern NFL.


The Jets were expected to lose by 17 points or more according to the best odd makers in the world. These are PhD level mathematicians and statisticians working for the casinos in Vegas who come up with these odds. In the history of the NFL, only 5 times has a team won when they were expected to lose by at least 17 points.


The Jets had not won a game this year. No team in NFL history had lost their first 13 games and then gone on the road and beaten a team with at least 9 wins. The Rams were 9-4. According to Stathead, from a statistical standpoint, the Jets victory was the second biggest upset in the history of the NFL.


To be clear, the fans aren't upset at the current Jets players for winning. They go out to win every game, that's their job. The fans just know that the future of the Jets isn't as bright as we thought it was going to be.


Okay, we get it, the Jets were underdogs and pulled off what could be the biggest upset in the history of the NFL. Why are you so devastated?


Because Jets fans can't have nice things, ever.


In the NFL, the team with the worst record at the end of the year, gets the number 1 pick in the NFL Draft. Getting the number 1 pick has franchise altering implications. That team gets the first choice to choose the best player in college football.


Had the Jets lost their remaining 3 games (including the one against the Rams), they would have been guaranteed the 1st pick in the NFL Draft. Had the Jets gone 0-16 (meaning 0 wins and 16 losses) there would at least be something to celebrate, getting the number 1 pick.


This years number 1 pick in the NFL Draft is going to be a historic choice


Every year, there is always a number 1 pick, a really good college football player. But this year, there's a different prospect that is projected to go number 1. He is one of the highest rated quarterbacks to ever come out of college football. There have only been 2 other quarterbacks as highly regarded as him in the history of the draft (John Elway in 1983 and Andrew Luck in 2012). It's the equivalent of drafting Lebron James with the number 1 pick.


Trevor Lawrence, quarterback out of Clemson, was supposed to be the Jets savior. For God's sake, the man looks like Jesus. He was going to save us Jets fans from despair, lead us to glory, have multiple championship parades down Broadway. He was going to lift the curse that has engulfed this franchise since 1969, the last time the Jets won a Super Bowl.


But instead, in all likelihood, we won't be able to get him.


BECAUSE OF COURSE, OUT OF ALL YEARS, THERE IS ANOTHER TEAM WHO IS ALMOST JUST AS BAD AS THE JETS, THE JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS.


Save us Gardner Minshew


The Jets are historically bad this year. But out of all the years to be historically bad, this is the year to do it so that you can get the once in a lifetime generational talent, Trevor Lawrence. But since the Jets are cursed, of course there is another team almost as bad, the Jacksonville Jaguars. They have the same record as the Jets, at 1-13.


However, because the teams the Jaguars have played this year are easier than the Jets have played, the Jaguars would get the number pick 1 as the tiebreaker if they finish with the same record. All the Jets had to do was lose the rest of their games and they would have been guaranteed the number 1 pick in the NFL Draft.


But since both teams are now 1-13, all the Jaguars have to do is lose both of their remaining games.


So for the next two weeks, Jets fans will be rooting hard for the current quarterback of the Jacksonville Jaguars.......Gardner Minshew.

Gardner Minshew looks like Uncle Rico from Napolean Dynamite or some dude being casted for commercials in the 1970's. And now us Jets fan have to hope in the next two weeks he can pull off at least 1 victory for the Jacksonville Jaguars.


The Jets pulled off one of the biggest upsets in NFL history by beating the Rams and in doing so, might have lost the best quarterback coming out of college ever.


Gardner, if you're reading this or can hear wishes from strangers, please help put Jets fans out of their misery and deliver to us, the savior of the franchise. I will name my firstborn child, boy or girl, Gardner.


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